I like (the) idea of undivided self for males. Giving ourselves permission to
be whole is the first stage of not denying others their freedom, including
women, children and other men. Pain and suffering is not something that we must
pass down or spread around, though that is often how men may react. It can also
lead to compassion to others who suffer and that can lead to nurturing, and
aspect of fathering not seen near enough.
We can be the path breakers who clear the way for those who depend on us, we need not only follow the paths created by others. In doing so we can encourage our sons when they find the need to be path clearers on their own and no longer just follow in our path. We can give respect and encourage it in others, rather than demand control over others, nor give up control over ourselves. We can teach patience with things not of our control, instead of frustration. When faced with a stone wall instead of battering our heads against it we can look to see if we can go around it, climb over it or even burrow under it and if not, choose a new path.
When we are hurt, we can deal with the pain, rather than burying it, and stop doing what pains us and allow healing. Our pain can guide us to what is right for us as men. We can learn when cooperation works better than competition and use it for our mutual good. We can decrease the stress of being a man for each other when possible. We can learn that it is not written in stone that we must only win or lose, nor get to our goal by frustrating others, but often there are ways that grant us our goal and grant others their goal as well.
We can remember all our stages and feelings of those stages in our life, and remember them when dealing with those now going through the same stages, guiding them rather than attacking or belittling. We can allow the young a certain amount of foolishness as part of being young and allow their need to experience things on their own when they can’t learn any other way. After all we did so ourselves. We can be honest and gain more respect than any pretense we might create, encouraging trust in our ideas.
We can decide what manhood can be, or might be, freeing ourselves of old habits and rules and giving that same freedom to other men, including our sons and all younger men. We can grant them responsibility as soon as they appear ready, allowing them to make what mistakes they must in order to learn. We can delegate power so that they can learn what we have learned instead of holding it all to ourselves and treating them as enemies.
As bosses, we can give our employees some leeway to help them grow and become more valuable to us, even when that may be in ways new to us that we personally don’t understand. Honor them for their successes and privately discuss their failings so that they don’t lose respect of fellow employees. We can make success of the organization something that they also benefit from. It never hurts to have those under you have a vested interest in the success of the enterprise and it helps you as well. We can remember how important getting our employees to work as a team is. That means holding the team together as long as is possible. That way we will earn their loyalty as well.
As employees we can learn our own value and have pride in what we do. This includes self respect and knowing when it is necessary to stand up or even to leave. We do this not just for ourselves but for those that depend on us. We direct anger at where it is deserved, but do not take it out on those who depend on us simply because they are helpless to stop us. Though we may be afraid, we are never cowards and do what must be done. But we keep seeking solutions and not give up hope for the sake of our own spirit.
We decide what being a man is and allow others to do the same in their own lives.
Just my opinion, not holy writ.
Blessed Be,
Christopher