This is based on a reply to an email I wrote from a guy who was suffering from depression and had seen my story father anger. (Thank you for inspiring me to write my knowledge and experience). I hope that it can help others.
You find that your emotions are capitalised by depression and anger? There are many men who feel like you do - mainly as they have never learnt about how to express finer emotions (emotions other than anger and frustration).
Let me tell you a little bit about emotion - firstly, don't underestimate its power. Many men do to their own detriment. When you are rejected, repressed, and feel unloved, and haven't learnt to 'cry'; to release the 'negative' emotions, they are stored. All throughout your childhood and adulthood this can happen.
Then one day at about 30 or 40, you come down with major depression and you don't know how to handle it - the way that I understand it, those 'negative' emotions that are still stored within you begin to 'leak' if you like. Think of it as a cauldron of 'negativity' deep within you that bits are leaking up to the surface - like an oil soak showing the location of a reservoir of oil. That oil is going to affect your life, but until you release that 'negativity' - until you reach deep within, with the security of the support of your partner and your family, and open that reservoir up, you will be affected by the 'leaks'.
Its a scarey proposition. Men often are brought up to 'not be afraid' - but being brave of physical injury is not the same as being brave of emotional injury - its takes bravey, but of a different sort. And I need to warn you that if you decide to open this emotional dam, you will temporarily feel more depressed, riding (or being swamped) by a wave of emotional energies. All I can say is: ride it out - meditation helps. Don't try to drown it out/dampen it with drugs, alcohol, or anger. You've got to understand it to fix it. Drowning out your emotions is the reason you are where you are - so don't fall into that trap.
So, how do you start? Well, when you feel you are ready - a good place to start is meditation. Now meditation doesn't have to be the 'traditional' sort - just walking and thinking is good enough - free of distraction, but allowing your thoughts to flow. Try to imagine your 'chakras' if you like - pockets of energies within the central alignment of your body.
If you know any chakra meditations, they can help, but essentially you want to open up your heart chakra - imagine a spot in the centre of your chest in line with your heart - imagine it getting warm and glowing with white light. Imagine a closed gate between the source of that energy centre's power and the outside world, then imagine that gate opening. You may feel some pain/an ache - that is normal. When you 'feel' that your heart chakra is open, you will be more receptive to emotions. This will help.
Next, in your meditation/walk think of areas in your life where you have felt unloved, repressed. Think of your father and allow your emotions to flow. Think of the good things and the bad. How do you feel. Some of the emotions will be easy to understand - anger you are already familiar with, but some will be complex and you will need to take the time to understand them; what are they? They may be a complex knot of varying emotions and feeling - try to unravel them: This takes time and you will need to do it many times before you feel you are getting somewhere.
You may feel overwhelmed by what emotions you have released - that is ok, but allow yourself to feel the emotions (don't repress them) - this will be painful - not physically but emotionally. Ride it like a boat in a storm. Ride it out and you may feel better. That will be just one knot, one 'packet' if you like, of stored emotion.
Practise opening your heart chakra until you feel open to emotion - but don't allow yourself to be in a position where you are too emotionally sensitive - you will still need an emotional shield, but hopefully you won't have that emotional wall. See shields
Any time you feel these emotions bubbling up, be careful how you react to those around you, and do the meditation. Work it through. Regularly. It took me about 6 months to get the hang of it, and about another 6 to totally empty the 'pit of dispair' that was in me. But I became much happier, more joyful, and started seeing beauty in life. All I can say, is that it was well worth it - a journey into the unknown - and I have come out an emotionally stronger and happier man. I hope that it works for you as well. Be brave.
blessings and thoughts
Wyrmwood