From: Wyrmwood
There is one human emotion that can paralyse us, lead us to lie both to ourselves and others, to take action that we don't like, and to cripple any rational thought processes. It is self-perpetuating if allowed to get out of control. Its side effects are either anger/aggressiveness or fear/reclusiveness. Its symptoms are irrational behaviour, lying, anguish, lack of self-esteem, and in extreme cases, thoughts of suicide. It is guilt.
Guilt is often built up on ourselves in childhood by our parents, our peers, our friends. It is caused by continual accusations that we aren't good enough, that our actions effect others in a negative way, that we can't be forgiven, and that we aren't allowed to make mistakes. None of these accusations are true, but with a child growing up in such a situation, it can create massive problems later in life for them.
Even the tiniest reminders of actions that they feel guilt about will bring forth the side-effects as a form of mental self-defence. Unfortunately, it is misplaced - much like home protection in "Pleasantville" using a machine-gun .
What can be done about this problem? Well, I'm still working that out, but some thoughts follow.
For those that suffer it, self-affirmation rituals may help, where you spend some time rewiring the way you think about yourself. Telling yourself that you are a "wonderful, worthwhile person who is allowed to make mistakes", in a ritual situation, can only help. Focus on the way you think about situations - instead of putting yourself down when you make mistakes, turn it into something positive - "I'm allowed to make mistakes, but I will learn from them and do better next-time". These sort of simple things appear strange to us who don't have guilt issues, but for those that do, it is a very real problem. If you have any other suggestions for ways to deal with guilt, please let me know. Especially any specifics on self-affirming rituals. Guilt is like worry - it does nothing constructive, and in the end will only hinder your ability to do things. If you feel guilt, for instance, about not doing something, ask yourself why you feel this way, make a decision whether you want to do it or not, and if the answer is yes, then do it, and if the answer is no, then don't - as easy as that. Your choices in life are valid and worthwhile, and you don't owe anybody anything, no matter what they say or how they make you feel.
For those that have friends who suffer from guilt - you know that you are a good friend if you have been able to stay in touch with a friend who is constantly blaming themselves, and running away from those that they care about (usually because they don't want to be judged by someone whose opinion they care about - telling them things that they know to be true but don't want to hear). The only thing I can suggest is when you get the chance, repeatedly "put them up". If someone is told every other day for a year that they are worthwhile, that they have something valid to say, that they are special, etc etc etc, then they will start to believe it, and their self-esteem will grow. It really should be something that we do to all people that we meet.
Thanks for listening to my ramble on this. Any thoughts from you in reply are
highly appreciated. To hear what other pagan men have to say on this subject,
visit the paganmen email group archives at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paganmen/message/1587?threaded=1
(to read the archives, you will have to sign up with YahooGroups first, then
sign on to the paganmen email group)
blessings
Wyrmwood