by Wyrmwood

> Do we love differently to women? 

I think that people in general can love in different ways. I believe that society has had some influence on how we love, and thus women and men may generally love in different ways. But I don't believe that this is always so, and I don't believe biology determines how we love (although I reckon it might have an influence on how we think - most women have a different logic centre/way of thinking, than most men)

> Do we have trouble expressing our love because we have to show it? 

Men have been influenced by society and other men/boys not to show emotion, and thus, when it comes to love, we have great difficulty in understanding what it actually means. This basically means we often have trouble separating love from desire, control, and comfort. Love is a vulnerability, an emotional vulnerability. Most men have little experience in being able to cope with strong emotions. We find that they overwhelm us, spin us around, and alarm us. We don't like it because we don't understand it, and repress it, sometimes by using alcohol and other drugs, sometimes by running away or pushing others away.

When we are overwhelmed by emotions of love or hurt, we need to understand that we can't grab the emotions and put them away, but we can let them pass through us unhindered - looking at each emotion that we feel and try to understand why it is there. Only this way do strong emotions become manageable and eventually beneficial.

> Do we fall in love easily, or do we tread warily around the shallows? 

I think that men "fall" in love very easily. We are either drawn by desire or that romantic idea of love. When it doesn't work out and we are rejected, we feel strong emotional pain, which we have little ability to understand or cope with. Some men never recover from the pain of their first rejection. Many men who go through this then either avoid love, or develop a shallower understanding of love to protect themselves. They try to control the relationship or find someone who they are comfortable with, but without the strong emotions.

> What is the difference between loving, and being in love? 

Loving someone implies that it is one-sided, but in my opinion, it doesn't matter. It is unconditional and doesn't require the love to flow both ways. It is gentle and non-controlling. It is not fallible to delusions or misunderstandings. Being "in love" suggests that hormones have kicked in, but it can also be the joining of two spiritual beings on the physical and spiritual plane. Being "in love" suggests that it is two-sided, that the person you are "in love" with is also "in love" with you - and it is passionate ! But being "in love" isn't a guarantee that it will last. Love is something that must be constantly nourished or it will not grow - and nourished by both partners. It will stagnate, and die if not 'kept alive' and you will find yourself living with a stranger.

> What is our greatest fear when opening ourselves to a lover?

Being rejected. Its almost as if we expect to be rejected when we open up our hearts to a lover. That, however, is the risk of love. Its what makes it special when it does work out.

> Is lasting love attainable?

Oh it is. I have been rejected a few times in the past by women who I have been in love with, and who I thought loved me, and it took some time for the pain to subside. However, in my opinion, its just finding the right person. Just when you least expect it, someone comes along. When you are happy and strong within yourself, but open to opportunities, someone special will notice. This is what happened to me. I currently enjoy a very loving (and non controlling) relationship with the most fabulous woman I have ever met, and have done so for over 2 years now. How long will it last? It doesn't matter. As long as we enjoy being with each other, and are able to be physically, mentally and spiritually there for each other, our love will grow. If one of these break down, then we do the best we can to support the other until we are able to 'walk' again. Our loving friendship is more important that the sexual side of our relationship, but it also makes the sexual part of our relationship that much more special.

> Do we keep repeating the same patterns of over-attention and fear that leads us into unproductive relationships?

That's the greatest lesson with relationships - to learn not to repeat the same destructive patterns over and over. Often due to childhood or past issues, we do strange or crazy things when given the opportunity to open up in a relationship. If we understand these issues, and can work with them (even with the support of the other partner), we can learn to heal those damaged areas of our psyche. Its a difficult area, but sometimes you might be very much in love, then for no apparent reason, you feel scared or upset, and push the other partner away. It is during these times we need to be able to communicate what we're feeling to our partner, and try to get them to understand that we don't know why we're feeling this way. Taking the time to try and understand our feelings can go a long way to discovering wounds that haven't healed, and letting go the anger, fear, etc that is preventing that healing. These past wounds can pop up at anytime in our lives, and most likely in a healing or loving situation. To heal then is to grow.

" I am a wounded male, but I am healing and growing. It is a long and exciting journey. "

love and blessings,

Wyrmwood