from: Wyrmwood
Why is it that guys don't really talk about sex and sexual experience? It seems to be a taboo subject as far as guys go (unless you are bragging about some 'conquest'). Women definitely don't seem to find any problems talking about sex and sexual experience, so why is it that guys do? Well, here are my thoughts...
Firstly, us guys generally have a problem with communication. As far as communicating ideas or values, we are fine. But to communicate emotion or a topic that makes us 'vulnerable' to attack or ridicule - these subjects we generally stay right away from. Sex is one of these. How many times through your childhood have you been ridiculed because you were a 'virgin' or were paranoid about the size of your member?? And of course, guys are expected to know all about a subject even if we haven't the experience. It is 'power' to know or seem like you know, it is 'weak' to show that you don't know. Again, how many times have you been laughed at because you showed your ignorance? These experiences of being 'mocked' would more than likely prevent us from ever talking about our experiences or asking questions. The reason we are ridiculed? Because the person(s) doing the mocking are either insecure or ignorant themselves, and thus they have found a way to give themselves a little bit of 'power'. What a vicious cycle we as a gender have put ourselves in!
Secondly, to place ourselves in a conversation about sex but not be in a sexual relationship, we feel 'shamed'. We may feel within ourselves that we are 'less of a man' because we are unable to 'get laid' (of course this is due to circumstance as well, but that tends to get ignored.) We treat sex as a conquest and an irrepressible urge, when it is really the joining of two people on a physical, emotional and hopefully, spiritual plane. Without a better understanding of sex, we cannot grow emotionally or spiritually.
Thirdly, we ask 'what is there to know about sex that I don't already know'? The answer is heaps! If we do not ask the questions, how can we learn and improve our knowledge? If we don't discuss it, how can we become better lovers and better at sex? We may be doing everything wrong and not even realise it!
The reason we don't talk much about sex is that we often consider our sex lives to be private. It is the ideal of intimacy that everything that goes on in the bedroom is private only to the partners involved. However, this is often not the case in real life, at least from a woman's perspective, as often the most intimate of sexual details are discussed amongst her friends. I think many of you would be shocked if you realised that those of you with female partners had your sex lives discussed with her friends - so that they are told all about how you are in bed, how big your penis is, any sexual problems you have, etc etc etc. Is this a breach of trust? Is it just us that are so insecure or naive that we can't discuss these things?
We often quote the fact that many of us are in competition to explain this lack of sharing of information, but isn't it true that women are also in competition? Why this difference in attitude then? It might be due to our under-developed emotions and feelings of fear, insecurity, ignorance, and apathy.
The benefits that can occur by taking this view (by crossing these taboo boundaries ) are being able to express, feel within ourselves and describe; joy, security, strength, understanding, interest, growth, and passion. They are certainly worth striving for.
blessings,
Wyrmwood